Adidas Wants To Teach Us About Breasts

L.L. Kirchner
5 min readFeb 21, 2022

Why just advertise a sports bra when you can make it a teachable moment for women? Gosh, thanks!

An outdoor ad featuring 58 thumbnail images of nude female torsos presented in a grid.
New ad campaign. For a sports bra, natch.

When I heard the NYT columnist, podcaster and all-around power lesbian Kara Swisher complaining about all the topless pics of women she was getting, additional research was called for.

Also, this seemed like a good way to start this piece because I didn’t want to give more free ad space to a mega sports brand and its latest thirsty campaign. Hence, I am avoiding using their name as long as possible. But here goes.

Adidas has pushed out an ad touting their wide range of sports bras for women by showing… a bunch of torsos! There’s a multitude of sizes and shapes and colors. But are those chests in sports bras? No! Heck no! They are naked. Because ladies, apparently looking in the mirror isn’t enough. This company want to remind you—no two tits are alike.

The new Adidas ad campaign featuring 25 nude torsos.
From Adidas’ Twitter feed.

Good for them? I mean, let’s face it. For a beloved product, they’ve served us some of the dullest advertisements in the history of sports advertising, as demonstrated by this clip (If you go there, volume down, 2x playback speed. You’re welcome.).

Further clicks affirm—this campaign is an improvement. Apparently in 1986, if you weren’t skinny and white, they didn’t want your money.

Now? All comers are welcome!

But is this something to celebrate? Predictably, Twitter had some opinions.

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L.L. Kirchner

I write entertaining stories that sneak up on you. Florida Girls, my new novel, comes out May 28! Stay abreast of it all at IllBehavedWomen.com.