Super Bowl Advertisers To America—Your Best Days Are Over

And my overall vote of, “That’s depressing!”

L.L. Kirchner
5 min readFeb 15, 2022


Eugene Levy—mid jump in his car as he turns Marvel hero thanks to his new wip.
Eugene Levy — mid jump in his car as he turns Marvel hero thanks to his new wip.

This year’s Super Bowl ads reflect a country at war, ideologically. While the vast majority were a call to look back (like this not horrific one featuring Paul Rudd and Seth Rogan):

Still from the Lay’s Super Bowl ad.

The rest (in my recall, note, not an actual survey) of the ads were for cryptocurrency and electric cars.

Salma Hayek and Arnold Schwarzenegger dressed up as Greek gods behind the wheel of a car.
My favorite of the electric car ads, though I couldn’t remember the brand.

So many electric cars.

Robot dog getting juiced by an electric car.
Kia and their dead dog.

I was blithely following the action (like SJP would a Rangers game, circa 2015), when the Meta ad came on.

Sarah Jessica Parker in the bleachers at a Rangers game reading a book, circa 2015.
Sarah Jessica Parker is all of us at sportsball.

I don’t know if I’ve ever seen anything more depressing than the Meta ad in my whole life. Essentially, a dog dude from a rock band gets shut down when the diner where he performs his regular gig closes. That his regular gig in a diner is a life highlight is just the start of the terrible to come.

After a lifetime of humiliation, culminating in being abandoned by a garbage truck…

Dog dude falling off a dump truck.
You know life is over when the dump truck tosses you.

Dog dude rediscovers his best years…

Still from the Meta verse showing colorful animatrons celebrating.
Re-live your glory days.

From the comfort and privacy of his off-hours as a display in some sort of exhibition (though only thanks to the kindness of some stranger who tosses a set of virtual reality goggles onto his dog head).



L.L. Kirchner

Award-winning screenwriter & best-selling author | GenXer | Open-minded skeptic committed to empowering humans through stories |